Jokes "Real life" stories...

"Real life" stories...

FIRST TESTIMONY:
>I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids
>in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a
>shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out
>and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew
>better.
>SECOND TESTIMONY:
>I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
>balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
>After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one
>of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He
>asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
>and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
>THIRD TESTIMONY:
>My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
>sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the
>display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed
>any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My
>sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I
>turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
>never let me forget.
>FOURTH TESTIMONY:
>While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided
>to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally
>able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
>and ! annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did
>not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
>horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
>threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
>Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
>The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
>Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up
>the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
>daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
>behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
>
>Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
>My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty
>training and was on him constantly. One day we stopped at
>Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very
>busy, with a full dining room. While enjoyi! ng my taco, I
>smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
>seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. The realized
>that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked
>him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking
>"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have
>any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you
>didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW
>that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
>getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did
>you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down
>his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE
>MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to
>death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants
>and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking
>me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
>
! >LAST TESTIMONY:
>
>This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
>and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the
>future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when
>you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news
>anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed
>and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
>where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only
>did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
>were laughing so hard!

ROTF!! Those are pretty good. Other than the kid ones - the others are perfectly OK, just depends on what goes through your mind (people need to get their minds out of the gutters ).