Jokes *Hope y'all like these

*Hope y'all like these

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American
girl. Although
His English was far from perfect, they got along very
well until
one day He rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him
if he could
arrange a Divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce
would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the
following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."
LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this
case?"
POLE: "It made of concrete"
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one."
LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations still in
Poland!"
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good
DVD player."
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I always up before her."
LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: "No, she white."
LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me."
LAWYER: "What makes you think
that?"
POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at
drugstore and put
On shelf in
bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excuse of the Week. Ha ha ha!

The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their
master bedroom making love to a beautiful, young
woman!

"You unfaithful, disrespectful pig! What are you
doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife,
the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house, I
want a divorce!"

The husband, replies "Wait, Wait a minute! Before you
leave, at least listen to what happened"

"Hummmmm, I don't know, well it'll be the last thing I
will hear from you. But make it fast, you unfaithful
pig you"

The husband begins to tell his story . . . "While
driving home this young lady asks for a ride. I saw
her so defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her
in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well
dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not
eaten for 3 days.

With great compassion and hurt, I brought her home and
warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last
night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid
you'll gain weight; the poor thing, practically
devours them. Since she was very dirty I asked her to
take a shower.

While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were
dirty and full of holes so I threw her clothes away.
Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans
that you have had for a few years, that you can no
longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also
gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary
and you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you
for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my
sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought
at the expensive boutique that you never wore again
after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair."

The husband continues his story . . . . .

"The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked
her to the door".

When we got to the door she turned around and with
tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me:

"Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does
not use?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LOL!