Comprehensive Final Exam from hell...

Comprehensive Final Exam from hell...

~~FINAL EXAM~~

INSTRUCTIONS:
Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time
limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately.

HISTORY:
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the
present day,concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on
its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophica
impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief,
concise, and specific.

MEDICINE:
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze
and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture
until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.

PUBLIC SPEAKING:
2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm
them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

BIOLOGY:
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human
culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years
earlier, with special attention to it probable effect on the
English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

MUSIC:
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with a
flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

PSYCHOLOGY:
Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional
stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations
of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses
II, Gregory of Nicia, Hammurabi. Support your evaluation
with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate
references. It is not necessary to translate.

SOCIOLOGY:
Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the
end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

ENGINEERING:
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been
placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction
manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal
tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you
feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

ECONOMICS:
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.
Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following
areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of
light. Outline a method from all possible points of view, as
demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

POLITICAL SCIENCE:
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World
War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if
any.

EPISTEMOLOGY:
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of
your stand.

PHYSICS:
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an
evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on
science.

PHILOSOPHY:
Sketch the development of human thought, estimate its
significance. Compare with the development of any other kind
of thought.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE:
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

If you finish early turn your paper in at the table at the front of
the room.

Wow. I'd be screwed...

Looks like some of my highschool papers, and college reports.

I have a really good idea of how to do the one under the Medicine category as long as they provide the materials for sutures afterwards...

Take the scotch and drink less than one liter to prevent thinning the blood but still gaining euphoric and anesthetic sensations. Taking your index finger point and locate the anatomical Right Lower Quadrant of the abdomen. Follow the crease line of the hip and the genitalia (the bikini line basically). Point to the middle of the crease line and move about two inches directly superior to this position. You should be in the general area of the appendix. Make a three inch transverse incision. At this point, you would locate where the ileum of the small intestine and the cecum of the ascending colon meet. At the base of the cecum will be the appendix. Once identified, it should be okay to pull the organs through the incision site where you'll just simply cut it off. Now if they give you a suture kit after they get done inspecting it, then simply enough, suture the cavity left by the appendectomy closed, replace the organs, and suture the incision site covering the area with the provided gauze. If there no suture supplies available after the inspection, then ur screwed cuz without some type of needle, you can't suture. If there was a needle tho, you could probably take the strands of gauze and use that as a suture. If no bowel movement within two days take a laxative to jump start peristalsis (wavelike motion of organs) again. If they get a fever within 48 hours, seek immediate attention because bacteria could be spilling out of the intestine and into the abdominal cavity causing a potentially serious infection....aight, my ass is spent on typing all that, lol...

Put your hands up, and step away from the keyboard and the medical texts...

;-)

Here is another situation they could've put in the MEDICAL category.

"MEDICAL:
You have been provided with the necessary surgical tools, whip cream, vodka, and lubricant. Detail the steps you'd take to give your passed out college room mate a vasectomy using all of the provided materials, without waking him up. If you opt not for a vasectomy, describe the procedure you'd perform on him, why, and the detailed steps. The description must at least be 1000 words, properly spaced, and turned in within one hour."