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When You Should Be a Fake

When You Should Be a Fake

By Kristyn Kusek Lewis

"Fake it till you make it."

You've heard the expression a trillion times, but what does it really mean, anyway? And even if you succeed at faking it, isn't that kind of, well, fake? Not always! Being less than genuine can be a savvy way to handle social slipups, make a great impression, and even put others (and yourself) at ease. Here are six situations where faking it is the most natural thing in the world to do.

Fake interest…
…in a conversation.

So you just can't get into your girlfriend's tale about her plumbing woes? Remind yourself what it's like to be in her shoes: "We all know how it feels to be telling what we think is a fascinating story, only to see our audience's eyes glaze over," says Sheryl Shade, author of the etiquette book As a Lady Would Say. "Faking interest is an act of kindness that helps the talker preserve some dignity."

To seem more engaged, nod your head, make remarks such as "How neat," or "I didn't know that," and look the speaker in the eye. Also, position yourself so that you're directly in front of her, and lean in toward her a little bit so you'll at least look like you're interested

Fake getting the joke …

… when it went right over your head.

Everyone else is in hysterics, but you're simply clueless. Since it's hard to falsify knee-slapping laughter, just pretend that the joke didn't hit you as hard. Crack a slow, knowing smile, shake your head, and say something like, "Good one!" Or: "I'll have to remember that one!" (Yeah, so that you can ask a trusted pal later what the heck it meant!)

Fake confidence…

…when you're holding the floor.

You're presenting an idea at work or to your neighborhood association and you're terrified of speaking in public. "To look confident, stand up straight and force yourself to speak louder than you think is necessary, which will help you avoid seeming timid," says Mary Mitchell, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Etiquette. "Since looking down or up at the ceiling is a sure sign of fear, maintain eye contact with your audience by mentally dividing the room into three sections and shifting your gaze frequently from one section to another." This shows that you're talking to the whole room, not just the four people right in front of you, which makes you seem like you're really at ease in front of the group.

Fake recognizing someone…

...when you can't remember who she is.

Some woman walks up to you at a school event and says, "It's so great to see you again!" You're thinking, "Lady, do I know you?!" Just say, "I'm so awful with names—please tell me yours again." Hearing a name might jog your memory—and she might even volunteer additional useful info about your earlier encounter. If the tactic fails, you can dig for more clues by saying, "So what have you been up to since I saw you last?"

Fake ignorance about gossip…

...to protect someone else's privacy.

At your monthly book club, the girls start talking about so-and-so's bitter divorce. You know all about it—so-and-so told you the painful details herself last week—but you have no interest in sharing the particulars of her personal life with others.

When you feign ignorance, you'll have to be convincing or you'll get pumped for info; gossips have their radar out for any speck of insider knowledge. The key: Just act bored. Ask a question that's totally off-topic and will show your disinterest in the conversation at hand, such as, "This wine is really good—where did you get it?" Or say something innocuous that will steer the conversation in a new direction, like, "This is not at all what we were talking about, but I was just thinking that I want to see that new romantic comedy coming out on Friday—does anyone want to go?"

Fake liking a gift…

...that you really don't.

As difficult as it might be, just try to focus on the fact that the giver put time, money, and/or thought into the gift—even if it is an armadillo piggybank. Express your fake joy (but sincere appreciation) by making general statements like, "Wow, where did you find this?" or "How sweet of you to think of me!" Then put the gift down and offer the person a big hug. You'll seem genuinely grateful—and make the giver feel good in the process—when you shower all of your attention on her instead of on the gift.

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

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