My mother asked my dad to leave today.. (long)

JLee · Feb 18, 2005

My mother asked my dad to leave today.. (long)

This is (most of) an email I just sent to a list I'm on..thought I'd share with you all:

Well, I don't know where to start..so I'll just start
typing randomly.

My parents have been married for over 20 years...my
mother recently found that my dad probably has the
narcissistic personality disorder - and many little
things (that were almost insignificant alone) started
to add up and make sense.

Back in 2003, my mother, myself, and my siblings (3
sisters and a brother) moved to NJ for three months so
my parents could have some time to work things out (my
dad stayed in FL). Well, he came up for Christmas,
and we moved back to FL -- he was (sickeningly)
cheerful/friendly to everyone..after a while, he
slipped back into his 'old' self.

For example..he just talked to all of us an hour or
two ago, saying how he's so sad to see this happen,
for the kids not to think it's their fault, etc..then
he made some comment as he left, and also said he had
some phone calls to make. Someone wanted to know what
he meant by what he said, but he didn't come back..he
went outside to make his calls. I went to the front
door and said something like "If your phone calls are
more important than your family is, maybe that has
something to do with this"..he said he needed to find
a place to live, blah blah -- I told him that his
family wants to talk to him now, and I said something
like 'your calls are more important than your family?'
He did come back in, but didn't really 'completely'
answer what was asked before..but oh well.

Put all this together with the comments we've heard
over the years:

A good friend and long-time neighbor when we were in
NH (we lived next door to him for what..8 years?) had
said something like "Where's the dad thing? I don't
see the dad thing here.."

My aunt (my mother's sister-in-law) is a doctor, and
she said that we were emotionally abused.

My uncle (my mother's brother) has told my dad how
fortunate he is to have a loving wife and such great
kids (my aunt and uncle weren't able to have
children..they recently adopted two foster
children)..and how he's squandering what he has.

I recently found out that in the first year or two of
my parents' marriage, my dad physically hurt my mother
twice.

Also..when I'd have an argument with my dad, he'd say
things to my mother like "Well if he doesn't like it,
he can just move out." This was when I was what..18?
Sure, I *could* move out, but my mother and I get
along incredibly well (I guess we had no choice, given
our situation..).and I was trying to get a degree
without going into debt. IIRC, he's also said to her
"Well then just get a divorce", rather than actually
trying to talk about and resolve a problem.

There's got to be more that's slipped my mind..this is
a lot to be thinking about.

In contrast, my dad's dad has a pedophile-ish mind..my
dad's mother is narcissistic as well, and my uncle (my
dad's brother) is gay. Strange combination..

I'm probably rambling terribly..if you took the time
to read this, I really appreciate it. I don't even
know if it made sense..

I had no idea it was that long until I looked at it after I sent it..but anyway, that's the latest update in my life.

Rolla95 · Feb 18, 2005

CadetLee said:

This is (most of) an email I just sent to a list I'm on..thought I'd share with you all:

I had no idea it was that long until I looked at it after I sent it..but anyway, that's the latest update in my life.

damn dude...feel sorry for ya...i dunno what i'd do if my parents separated...marriages these days dun seem to hold out...

JLee · Feb 18, 2005

Rolla95 said:

damn dude...feel sorry for ya...i dunno what i'd do if my parents separated...marriages these days dun seem to hold out...

Would've been 22 years this April..

Cuztomrollaz98 · Feb 19, 2005

dang dood dat sucks.... my parents got divorced when I was 3 and well all my life I only saw my dad a few times and well as sad as it sounds I don't even remember what he looks like lol.....but divorce is messed up because parents don't think the consequences that it bring towards other people mostly sons daughters etc u kno...

Prodigy3006 · Feb 19, 2005

that which cannot kill you can only make you stronger... unfortunately thats not always true as it can scar you, give you bad habits, memories, and emotional outbursts. fortunately, it can also inspire you, keep you humble and grounded, and move you to continue to keep working on improving yourself and your life. i wish you and your family the best.

Azn_SpICe · Feb 19, 2005

man, i'm soooooo sorry...good luck man...dont stress over it ...it happened, it happened, nothing to do to change it or reverse it...just accept it and continue on with life...make the best of it.

falnfenix · Feb 19, 2005

my condolences. good luck...be there for your mom and siblings, they'll need you(and each other).

JLee · Feb 19, 2005

The upside is that none of the kids think it's their fault, and we're excited by the possibility of actually being 'happy'...which had eluded us for so long, except for the 3 months we were apart in NJ.

The other kids have said stuff like 'when's daddy going to leave again', etc...'Joshua was so much more friendly', etc..

It's a really sad situation, but there's definitely a bright side to it all, once we kick-start our lives again. My mother is trying to start a business..we'll sell this house and buy one in Gainesville instead of 20 miles out, etc...hopefully everything will work out. When it does, life will be awesome.

falnfenix · Feb 19, 2005

well, it's good you all see a good side to it. keep that positive attitude.

vortex · Feb 19, 2005

word - you know my thoughts are with you guys josh!

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My mother asked my dad to leave today.. (long)

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My mother asked my dad to leave today.. (long)

JLee TD05 3SGTE

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JLee TD05 3SGTE

Cuztomrollaz98 MAD VLAD!

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