Jokes His and Her Oil Change

His and Her Oil Change

Joke Of The Day:
Changing Oil Instructions
Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss.
11) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
12) Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to liquor store; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 10.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00 Total-- $4165.00

But, you have the satisfaction of knowing the job was done right...

hahahah My oil changes are not that dramatic but sometimes I wonder why I don't just take it to Jiffy

hah, takes me 10 minutes in school to do it

haha

It costs more to buy synthetic and a filter and do it yourself than it does to go to walmart! wtf.

Yeah, I'm not going to lie, I take the woman approach. I changed it once on this car so I would know how, but its so much easier to not do it myself.

Our motors like to meld with the filter Last time I did my oil change I put the filter on like finger tight and then when it was time to change the oil I had to break my wrist to get it back off I sware the 1zz-fe is the Borg!

hey hey. I don't go to Jiffy. I do it myself without the hassle of all that listed.

dealer express lube - $8.99 + they have the records of all oil changes and maintenance for warranty purposes.

screw jiffy....it's called my backyard! and only takes about 10-15 mins.

You change your own oil! Thats awesome... My wife wouldn't touch a wrench if I paid her

i HAD to learn, my dad MAKES SURE that all of the cars in the household be kept clean and well maintained...he chks my mileage....i got to the point where i'm used to changing my oil cuz i go through 3k miles like nothing and no one eats in my car...so my car is xtra clean (i get really annoyed if there's trash or something in my car that doesn't need to be there). i dont feel like it's a chore ne more....it's something that is needed...

Cool, the inside of my car looks like destruction and there isn't a pannel that does not have a scratch on it But I try to draw attention away from that with my touch screen, racing seats, and all the little turbo gadgets going in tonight But I think at some point I would like to return the inside to completel brand new looking condition. Maybe even fiberglass a new dashboard. That might be a cool project to hit up later on.

I was a lube tech for a while.. only fucked up 2 cars in my time there.

i would do my own oil changes but i dont want to go through the hasstle of doing it... if i can just add lets say 5 more dollars to the parts, i can get it done by my mechanic... where there's a lift and can take only 5-10 mins...