News Dear Red States.....

Dear Red States.....

Dear Red States,You've pushed us far enough.
We, The Blue States, now intend to form our own country. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Illinois, Minnesota, Oregon, Washington, Wisconsin, and all of the Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation.
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Nancy Pelosi. You get Sarah Palin.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Wal-Mart
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get the Red States to pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single mom's.
Please be aware that our new country will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose-- just so long as the media doesn't show the pictures of their children's caskets coming home.
We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines ( you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all the obese Americans (and all their projected health care costs),92 percent of all U.S mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all the Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. And, needless to say, we'll take Broadway.
You may if you like, continue to call your region " The Real America". Knock yourselves out.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61 percent percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we have.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,
Blue States

Tongue in cheek......

Its sad that people take shit like this so seriously. And anyways, your state flip flops anyways, so whats it to you

Its less of a Democrat vs Republican issue than a Northeast vs the South issue.

Better day.