Relationship story. would Love input

Relationship story. would Love input

Recently, I ended a relationship I had going with a girl for four years, a strong one at that, because we werent getting along and, because of the petty arguments, were going separate ways. I lost my feelings for her, and then over time as we took a 'break,' I began seeing other women, just for fun. The act of seeing other women for fun severed any permanent love that I could have had. I couldn't look her in the face without knowing that my feelings had changed, and my actions reflected this. We ended it officially, meaning not even talking as friends, a couple of days ago. She is taking it very hard. Now for the kicker.......

about two months ago i actually got to talk to and spend time with a young lady who i knew in a round about way while i was shopping in the mall. She turned out to be everything I wanted in a woman and a girlfriend. Initially we just spent time together because her boyfriend was out of town and my girl(well, we were broken up but still close friends) was out of town also. This is over thanksgiving. We ended up spending A LOT of time together, like, the entire thanksgiving. She was displeased with her relationship because her man was a liar, didn't answer questions, and always left her behind. he had been doing this for almost 2 years. We clicked too much, and on the last day before everyone returned, we had sex. We didn't talk for a week and then I texted her. We never stopped talking after that and created a secret relationship. I switched from having a fun fling with a beautiful intelligent sincere moral woman (yes i said moral, because fact is, she IS moral) to falling for her. He went out of town yet again for Christmas and didn't return when he said he would. We spent time, got closer, all through the holidays. He didn't come home for new years. He lied about what he was doing. She decided to end it with him. A day before he came home (gone for over 2 weeks) he begins texting about how he wants to marry her and gets back in his swing of giving her attention bc he's back in town. she breaks up with him when he gets home. he says the only reason he has to lie to her is because she is immature. the next day he begs her back. that day we spent all day together. yet, that night, she takes him back. I am broken. MORAL. Dont catch feelings. I set myself up i guess. ok.... flame suit is on.

^ What he said.

me too, happened to me once, I say screw her.
the world has more females than males anyways...
so the odds are pretty good or actually equal, since there's so much lesbians (and gays also)

but she had the same one for like 3 years and was completely faithful. i do understand, though, that her actions with me were wrong. but mine were just as bad, so i understand why she did it.

damn man , i feel for ya but at least you didn't have it as bad as i did, hey fish there are more fish out in the sea, its just depends no how you go about it, i have had only 5 relationship of which this current one has gotten more serious. hey its hard to trust but if you know and really look indepth then you can tell what kind of person she is and how serious she is about friendship/relationship.

how bad did you have it?

what she was doin was a lot worse than what you were doin cuz she was in a relationship,you weren't . You and your girl had broken up and you were still friends, but that was it right? that girl had a boyfriend and was almost playing games cuz she was just probably feelings neglected or lonely or whatever. plus we should all know that when someone cheats on someone else with you they are just as likely to do it to you . forget bout her like everyone said there are many many many more people out there lol

my ex-wife had an abortion behind my back, she got remarried to my best friend who i have known all my life and she now divorced him and wants me back and has wanted me back since i enlisted a while back, (because she knows what she can get out of me and the Corps) but i an't going to ever forgive her or take her back. right now im engaged to a 26 yr old woman with a masters and is currently a prohbation officer while still going to school to get her doc's degree, She is persuing criminal justice like i am.

BTW i was married for a 1yr and 7 months

Good, good! I love the hard questions. I really am being honest and am trying to sort through this situation, so it's no biggie answering these questions in which my 'flame suit' would need be on.

Our relationship was strong until the last one of the years that we were together. I believe this happened because of a lapse in many things, we quit volunteering together, quit praying together, quit hanging out as much as we both got higher paying, more demanding jobs, and we had sex. All blame in the relationship ultimately fell on me because I tried to be the leader, and, as the turnout implies, failed.

Yes, right now, it seems she's (i'll call her J, she's the new one) everything I'd like in a wife. Or it seemed that way, but I understand now she has flaws just like all humans, yet her flaws, while some are significant, most are very insignificant. I might realize I'm wrong, if in the future, she does something that would make me seriously regret my decision to like her (materialistic, argumentative, judgmental, biggies that i don't like). I thought the ex was wifey material for me, which, honestly, she is damn close. I want to love K and be with her again, but its just not there, and she's starting to understand too. She's sees us as necessary to be apart.

No, I was not 'with' my girl at the time although we were friends and weren't considering dating anyone else. I had no intentions of hunting women at the mall, I was by myself night before thanksgiving shopping for Polo, sad over the ex and our issues.

Yes, while this seems like an obvious no no, the cheating. It IS.... but there is much more gray than you would initially believe. He really left her alone all the time and without attention, he really manipulated her (still does), and he hurt her often but sifted that through with pepperings of 'you only think this because your insecure.' so anyhow, its not a moral act, i understand.

Ummm, considering she's not promiscuous at All, like i'm the second person shes ever been with (boyfriend the first), I somewhat believed I was not on a ride. I'm trying to make something out of what we had, because I've ran through my share of fast women, and it's just not me, no matter how much my boys urge me to do so. It eats my conscience and lessens my character. I'm reaping what I sowed, I know, but I can only hope against hope that it can be set straight and we can work things out.


she's been calling (well, only once, i haven't answered any calls since) saying she doesn't know why she did it, but then says she did it bc it was the comfortable thing to do and he was there all night apologizing (she lives with her family). Her mom strongly urged she get back with him, and set up for him to come over and 'surprise' her.

sorry so long!

WHOA. I admire you for getting through that, but just like I should be able to, you might should have been able to see trends in her life of her potentially acting like that... don't you think? I have heard, though, that some women change 2452426% after marriage.

That really shows the dangers of talking to someone with a boyfriend, not ending a relationship correctly, and attaching with someone who is 'dangerous' because of their instability. Everyone makes mistakes, though, and maybe yours will work out.

ummmmmmmmm..... your story is so similar to mine I'm nervous. Almost to the T. The secret. CHECK. the parents. CHECK. the spending all the time together. CHECK. the recent 'proposal.' although it just happened a day or two in order to keep the girl and it wasn't even official, just something said bc he's manipulative. CHECK. Well, E, atleast yours turned out ok. I'll not hold the same expectations for mine. She called me four times yesterday and I didn't answer. My best friend came in town to help me get my 'balls back.' but, she can gladly have them. Truth is, I've been a player with several girls, too many for me, and I don't care to do it. I Want to like someone wholly and fully. I don't care if my heart gets 'broke,' because I deserve it anyway.

soo much reading it makes my head spin :crazy:

cheaters never prosper in the end.

that general of a statement is no use. you'd have to take time to read to understand. but, i understand if you are unable to.

The more power to you. it's rare that something like that ends up working out.

I'll admit that I don't know enough about women to decipher what their true feelings are. It seems as though I can never understand my girlfriend, she is illogical in the sense that she doesn't say what she means, or means what she says. She is too selfish and emotionally charged. We recently had an argument right after new year's that almost ended off with a break up and I felt detached and emotionless since. But I had some time off to think about myself without her in the picture and my has head cleared up, I can think straight again. Everything was good.

Well that was until she convinced me that we should pick things up again where we left off and it seems as though I am headed in the same direction again. It's a never-ending cycle of ups and downs, she can never be content with the way things are or where they are going. I don't have the slightest clue if she has cheated or my yet nor do I have any way of finding out. She promises that she tries to please and make me happy, but never follows up on it. I have no way of figuring her out even though we have been seeing each other for almost a year.

I posted the one-liner in hopes of generating some response or insight into helping me understand women more.

So if you guys have any tips or experiences, please do share.

there are a couple key things i see here

- sounds like you are a "nice" guy as everyone knows, nice guys finish last

- you made yourself too available. you need to make girls feel like they are not needed so that they earn your attention

- like most girls, i bet she likes the bad guys which if you are a nice guy you don't fit into what she really likes. sure you filled some time, but that is about it.

time for you to move on and don't get some involved so soon.

actually, i'm much less nice than i might have put on. while, initially it may seem that nice guys finish last, i think it is more accurate that foolish/ignorant guys finish last. in a sort of arrogant way, i feel like i know the game, almost to the t. i'll not sit and brag about my experiences with women, but one of my points was to try and be different with this one. it didn't pay off it seemed, until today. of course, your advice is correct about the availability, hence my not answering of the phone. but, in an ideal situation, i wouldn't have to do this. and she is scared to talk to me bc i'm so much of a 'not nice' guy on the outside, according to my 'reputation'. you are right, moving on will do nothing but make her like me more, hence the excessive calls.

sorry that you are going through that, and you're in a real relationship with her. is it truly all her fault, or are you to blame also? if you want to break up wiht her if she cheated on you, and you think she might have, you might want to prepare yourself for such a situation. really work on your individual stability and such, and make friends. don't let her tip the relationship power too much to her side because she will abuse such power. this is from what you said in the above post, and the fact that most women seem to not do well with excessive amounts of power in a relationship

Damn man that really blows. At least you have enough sense to not take her back.